A (very) short story by Frances Wookey
After a Medieval revenge story last week, I thought a truly 21st century one would make a good theme for this week's combined Writing Adventure Group/Flash Fiction activity.
"Did you get the phone?"
"Yes, and plenty of credits."
"Where did you go?"
"The big Tesco on the by-pass. I haven't been there for a while, and they were madly busy anyway; the sales-girl never even looked at me."
"Good! And you paid in cash?"
"Of course! Now let's get started. Who's on our list?"
"The woman in the cake shop who told you not to lean against the window - I've found out who she is - the vicar, and that rude doctor's receptionist."
"Do you think we ought to include the vicar? It doesn't seem right, he's man of God."
"A man of God is supposed to love all God's creatures, isn't he. He wasn't very loving about Satan when you took him for his walk in the churchyard - just because he put his muddy paws on that white nightie thing his Reverence ponces about in!"
"But will it work? He 's dead against the Lottery; he told Mabel she shouldn't have the machine in the Post Office."
"Let's try it shall we?
"Hello! Would that be the Reverend Fosdyke? Top of the morning to you! I've got some wonderful news, you've won this week's first prize in the Irish Lottery... You didn't buy a ticket, did you not? Well I expect one of your lovely congregation bought it for you, they do that you know.... How much? You'd better be sitting down, Reverend, its just over £15 million this week... Yes you did hear me right... Well of course, if it's against your principles, I wouldn't want to be forcing you... You're not wrong there, it certainly would pay for the church roof to be fixed... No! Of course you don't need to come to Ireland to get it. You just give me your bank details, and we'll credit the money straight away.... Excellent! Thank you very much Reverend, it's a pleasure talking to you!
"Amazing how people's principles fly out of the window when there's money involved - and their common sense! It does worry me that one day we'll get rumbled though"
"Not a chance! Everyone round here thinks we're both ga-ga! That was a great idea of yours, taking to wearing your trousers back to front - means you don't even have to open your mouth for people to think you've lost it. And I terrorise the whole neighbourhood on my mobility scooter - you saw that silly cow yesterday doing an emergency stop because she thought I was about to drive under her wheels. She looked scared to death - I loved giving her that sickly grin and waving her on!
No they wouldn't even believe that we knew how to operate a mobile phone, let alone set up a false online identity and all the other stuff for milking bank accounts. Which said, I'd better get on the computer and do the business with Reverend Fosdyke before he has time to get suspicious.
You ring that snotty bitch at the doctor's while I'm at it, then we'll have a nice cup of tea and a digestive biscuit."
“WAG #16: True Love” People watching time! This time, go people watching and select a couple. Write about the “secret” part of their relationship… the things about this couple that they don’t show to the world. It can be good and sweet things, like gooey pet names, or darker things, like arguing over who should take out the trash.
The incident with the mobility scooter happened to me yesterday - I was the "silly cow" driving the car - so this is my bit of revenge on the elderly couple who nearly gave me a heart attack! (NB I didn't notice whether the gentleman walking behind the lady on the scooter had his trousers on back to front - probably not!)
How to Join the Writing Adventure Group
Other contributors to last week's exercise, "Best Tool for the Job"
J Strother - Mad Utopia